“We never stop needing it. We just hide it better.”
Many people don't ask for acknowledgement. They perform for it. I was sitting with someone who struggled to say no. So I asked her why. She thought about it. Then said she likes feeling needed. I pushed. But what are you getting back? She went quiet. Nothing. And she hadn't realised how much she expected in return until that moment.
It was leaving her exhausted, overwhelmed and disappointed - especially once she realised she had expectations attached. Every yes was a private transaction nobody else had agreed to. And it was quietly eating away her energy. Then we uncovered something else. As a manager of a large team, she didn't really ask for things - she told people what to do.
She gave instructions easily. Requests felt foreign.
So we worked through what an actual request looks and sounds like. Then we landed on something simple: Ask your team for acknowledgement. She did. Immediately they started showing up differently around her. The whole dynamic shifted. They even threw her a belated birthday party in the office. Now she can't stop asking for things in other areas of her life, and the results have us both laughing at how simple it was. That's what one honest request does. Most people aren't exhausted from the work. They're exhausted from trying to earn something they never asked for.
Filimon
P.S. If you need it, ask for it.